Walking

Feeding Luke his lasagna!

Tonight Luke and I went on a walk. We go on walks a lot, but usually it is with my mom. She was gone tonight so it was just me and Luke. When the three of us go my mom and I talk about everything and anything. I love it. My house is always noisy with so much going on so one of the only times we get to talk is on our walks. Tonight, without her there, I had lots of time to just think. We are all busy and it was nice to have some time with no distractions to just think. I thought about lots of things. I thought about going back to school. Part of me is excited, the other part isn't. There are so many things I will miss from home, and so many things I love at college. It really is one of the most bittersweet things in my life. As we walked I thought about the things I would miss. It was weird, it's not like it's my first time leaving home, but it's never easy. I will come back on some weekends, but it's different than living at home. Anyways... (This is how my mind was on this walk, all over the place!) I thought about my family and the things I would be missing. (Early today I went to C.J.'s sophomore football game. Parker's comp soccer games. Colby's cute laugh, and reading with Kayli. Fighting and lauhing with CJ and of course being taken care of by my parents.) All of these thoughts were running through my head. I was getting a little sad and then I thought of my little Luke. He will definitely be the hardest to leave and I mean that. It's not that I don't love all of my family, I do, but it's a little different. I can talk with everyone on the phone... except for Luke. Small things will change with my other siblings, but when you are that little you change a lot. It might sound corny, but I need Luke and he needs me. 14 months and 9 days ago Garan left on his mission. Luke was 3 months old at the time. I needed someone to hold and he needed to be held. When I wasn't at work that summer, I was with Luke. He was what I needed that summer. The past 7 weeks have been much the same. I have been home and missing my boy, but Luke has done a pretty good job at keeping me busy and happy. He is now 18 months old and will be even harder to leave. I know this sounds all over the place, but it sums up just how I feel. I feel all over the place. Luke won't remember our walk tonight, but I will. I am happy to remember the good, fun times, and forget the frustrating ones. And... I know I will love college... as soon as I get there. Better start packing, huh?