Humbled in my wheelchair

School has been crazy busy. I forgot how hard school is and being a junior/senior is even harder. I have been reading a ton and still am not caught up. I am loving it up here in Rexburg though. I've been trying to cook more and it's easy because I've been cooking for my brother and roommate so it's lots more fun that way. I am in a class called Exceptional Students. It's about students with disabilities. We discuss mental, emotional, and physical disabilities. My assignment for today is to be in a wheelchair for four hours. I scheduled them when I wasn't in class because I thought it would be easier. That part was easier because I haven't been trying to rush from class to class, but by no means is this easy. There were some requirements of things that we had to do. We had to go up and down a hill, open a door with the wheelchair button, open a door without one, go to the drinking fountain, and go into a bathroom stall and get yourself from the wheelchair to the toilet and back. I cannot explain to you how difficult these tasks were. I decided to kill two birds with one stone and open the bathroom door and then just go into the bathroom. I came around from the corner and opened the door, but then I couldn't get the wheelchair in because of the angle I was at. A girl came and held the door for me, but it still took a few minutes to get through the door. I finally decided to call my brother. I needed help. He was on campus and came and found me and helped me get to the library, where I am now. As he pushed me into the library I couldn't believe the stares of people. It is a very humbling experience. I only have a little over an hour left and then this experience will be over. It has definitely taught me a lot and I wish that everyone could have this experience. It's hard to look for ramps since you can't use stairs, it's hard to get in doors, but it's even harder to take the stares of others. They could be concerned or curious, I know I always am, but that doesn't make it any easier. As I was pushing myself up the hill a guy walked right by. I am sure he was in a hurry, but it was hard to watch him walk to class, when I was struggling to push myself there. Soon after a girl asked if she could push me up the hill. Of course I said yes and we had a nice conversation. I am sure she isn't aware of how much that meant to me. I think today will definitely change my perspective on how I look at and help others who are probably struggling. Maybe it will change yours too.

I miss my friend!

Out of all of her children my mom probably didn't expect me to cry myself to sleep. Okay, well maybe she did, it would either be me or Luke. But I did. It's been a while since I've cried myself to sleep. I think it was in July of 2006. And to answer your question... yes, both times it was for the same thing. I miss my friend. I miss my best friend. I've heard that the last year is easier than the first year of having your "missionary" out serving. Some parts are, some parts aren't any better. I still miss him everyday. I found a quote a few months after Garan left and it sums up exactly how I felt. "I miss you when something really good happens, because you are the one I want to share it with. I miss you when something is troubling me, because you are the one who understands me so well. I miss you when I laugh and cry because I know that you are the that makes my laughter grow and my tears disappear. I miss you all the time, but I miss you most when I lay awake at night and think of all the wonderful times we spent with each other; for those were some of the best times of my life." That sums up my night. Last night it wasn't easier the second year. I really have enjoyed the past 14 months, for the most part. It's just one more of those bittersweet things in my life. I have done things that I never could have down with him here. He's happier than he's ever been and I'm learning so much about myself and about life. I am grateful for the experience, but am ready for the next 10 months, okay 298 days to fly (not that I'm counting!) :)

Walking

Feeding Luke his lasagna!

Tonight Luke and I went on a walk. We go on walks a lot, but usually it is with my mom. She was gone tonight so it was just me and Luke. When the three of us go my mom and I talk about everything and anything. I love it. My house is always noisy with so much going on so one of the only times we get to talk is on our walks. Tonight, without her there, I had lots of time to just think. We are all busy and it was nice to have some time with no distractions to just think. I thought about lots of things. I thought about going back to school. Part of me is excited, the other part isn't. There are so many things I will miss from home, and so many things I love at college. It really is one of the most bittersweet things in my life. As we walked I thought about the things I would miss. It was weird, it's not like it's my first time leaving home, but it's never easy. I will come back on some weekends, but it's different than living at home. Anyways... (This is how my mind was on this walk, all over the place!) I thought about my family and the things I would be missing. (Early today I went to C.J.'s sophomore football game. Parker's comp soccer games. Colby's cute laugh, and reading with Kayli. Fighting and lauhing with CJ and of course being taken care of by my parents.) All of these thoughts were running through my head. I was getting a little sad and then I thought of my little Luke. He will definitely be the hardest to leave and I mean that. It's not that I don't love all of my family, I do, but it's a little different. I can talk with everyone on the phone... except for Luke. Small things will change with my other siblings, but when you are that little you change a lot. It might sound corny, but I need Luke and he needs me. 14 months and 9 days ago Garan left on his mission. Luke was 3 months old at the time. I needed someone to hold and he needed to be held. When I wasn't at work that summer, I was with Luke. He was what I needed that summer. The past 7 weeks have been much the same. I have been home and missing my boy, but Luke has done a pretty good job at keeping me busy and happy. He is now 18 months old and will be even harder to leave. I know this sounds all over the place, but it sums up just how I feel. I feel all over the place. Luke won't remember our walk tonight, but I will. I am happy to remember the good, fun times, and forget the frustrating ones. And... I know I will love college... as soon as I get there. Better start packing, huh?